In the last post I touched upon a few of the many perils of a guy coming on too strong when engaging a woman, so in this entry I feel it prudent to mention one of the most sad and most common downfalls in being too soft-handed in one's approach: Failure to step up to the plate. This leads me to the title of this Blog, What Would Joe Higashi Do? Joe Higashi is a character the acclaimed SNK series Fatal Fury who is known less for his skills in Muy Thai but more for his loudmouthed antics and flagrant womanizing. However, despite his buffoonery, in The Fatal Fury Motion Picture when his friend Terry needs some romantic advice, Mr. Higashi comes up with one insightfully humorous line: "If you like her, say something... Girls aint like us... they don't pick up on stuff the way we do." The humor inherent in the assertion that women are the more perceptive sex, however the insight is brilliant because Joe Higashi is actually RIGHT! For all their guile, insight, and sagacity about each other and the world in general, when it comes to reading the romantic advancements of men a lot of women fall into two equally sad categories of Publicly & Privately Ignorant.
To clarify-
Publicly Ignorant: A woman who will feign shock and astonishment at the mention of her friend Steve having romantic interest in her. Claiming that "All we do is go to the movies, go out to eat, eat in, shop, gossip, and watch movies at home, sometimes sharing the blanket and exchanging the occasional massage. . . But that's just what close guy friends do." No. Shame on her and shame on Steve.
Privately Ignorant: A woman who lives in the lovely world where men and women are entirely equal and thusly treats every male interaction the same as she would a female one. She will be genuinely shocked to learn that Steve wants to be more than friends, and will be even more amazed to find out that not all guys are being nice just to be nice and that a man doesn't approach you from across the room because your personality was so enchanting and he really needed a new friend.
While both of these views vary, the end result is equally as tragic and stems from the same dilemma: miscommunication. Time and time again the root of all cock-blockery will be incongruent interpretations of the same scenario; one party may think things are cruising along smoothly where the other party isn't even aware there was anything going on at all. So as a man if you find yourself on the former end of this spectrum, by all means PAUSE. Take a step back. Maybe even get a second opinion, because you may in violation of what is known as "playing yourself". Don't be ashamed, everyone plays themselves at one point or another and it is bound to happen again sooner or later, besides there are worst things than being into someone who doesn't view you in a sexual manner. The good news is now that you know you haven't been stepping up to the plate, you can assess the situation and make a move before the window closes. At times like this is when you ask yourself What Would Joe Higashi Do?
The first principle is to let your intentions be known, and please adhere to the axiom that actions speak louder than words. E-mails, texts, telegrams, and letters pale in comparison to face to face interaction; furthermore, body language and physical contact speak volumes more than any overly blunt or cleverly scripted monologue (yes there are cases where a female is wooed by the clumsy musings of an unconfident fellow, however far and wide women do not find awkward desperation attractive). Next would be to know your strong points; the further you are from a female's perceived social circle, the more effort you'll have to put in bridging the inherent gap between you two as friends yet alone as lovers. If you honestly don't have the moxy and finesse to put in that amount of effort successfully then just bow out or resign yourself to being her awkward indie friend/rich friend/asian friend/black friend/etc. Lastly and most importantly in the teachings of Sensei Joe Higashi: Assume Nothing. These girls aren't built to hone in on whatever wavelength you may be on so don't take for granted that because you've gone out for sushi or been cuddly at the movies that it means anything. A girl can spend all day laughing and shopping and eating with one guy, but when someone she is really interested calls her that night she will spend the night with him and the two of them will have some real fun. Branching off from this, I would like to point out that I always use terms like "romantically involved" or "sexually attracted" instead of dating specifically because of this fallacy of assumption. "Dating" is not a precise term but more of a vague umbrella, and consider yourself "dating" someone new while still in the beginning stages you are taking a leap of faith that under this umbrella you two are mutually settled on the same perception of things.
Take for example, this final bit of insight: You have spent some time with a girl, you text and chat and may have even kissed. You're under the impression that you two are "dating" which can be interpreted as follows:
Dating Exclusively
Dating Casually
Going Steady
Seeing Where Things Go
Taking it Slow
Friends With Benefits
This Was a Mistake
This Was Fun But Let's Not Make a Habit of It
We Should Have Stayed Friends
This Feels Awkward
I Love You
I Thought This Would Be Bad But It's Going OK
I Thought This Would Be Bad and It Is
Open Relationship
Fuck Buddies
Friends Helping Each Other Through A Dry Spell
Rebound Relationship
I've Had a Crush On You Since Forever
I Was Only In It For The Chase
I Want To Focus on School/Work But I Am Attracted To You
We Can Fool Around But No Sex
I'm Confused
Now Isn't The Right Time But This Feels Good
Head Over Heels
Now if you're fairly confident that you and your lady would check the same boxes on that list, then no worries at all. However, if you feel like things may indeed by a bit skewed in terms of how you both perceive the situation, then you might want to ask yourself WWJHD?
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